I Saw Your Nuts, Mommy
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"I saw your nuts, Mommy"

Journal entries from a mom of 4 little boys

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  • Jan 4, 2016 - I'm not sure why I bother closing the bathroom door. Inevitably, one of the 4 ninjas in the next room opens it, walks across the bathroom, comes up behind me in the closet, and it's always, Always, ALWAYS when I'm in the process of pulling up my pants. I turn around still not knowing someone is there and jump out of my skin as I see Adrian standing there with a smirk on his face telling me, "I saw your nuts, Mommy."
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Dream Catcher review...The jury is out

11/17/2018

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Some people never remember their dreams. I always do. Very often I wake up feeling like I ran my butt off all night and am exhausted.  My dreams are nearly always very fast-paced, stressful, mission-related, and I never complete the mission because of distractions… they end up being fragmented and difficult to describe verbally. Metaphor for my life in a lot of ways? I think yes.


I have been intrigued by this bottle of Dream Catcher that I’ve been reading about… it’s an essential oil by YL that is suppose to aid in emotional balance that induces positive dreaming. I thought, at a minimum, this would be great to diffuse in the boys’ rooms. Well, it arrived on my doorstep last night, so I decided to try it out for myself right before I went to bed. The jury is still out on whether or not I think it improved my emotional state and dreams… here’s why…

So I wake up this morning to Jose kissing my cheek, and I’m confused because I’m being pulled into reality with light, sounds, smells of coffee, and kisses with scruff… I’m transitioning from the very-real-feeling place I’ve been in… in the bed with this woman… ahem…

Preface needed…

Yesterday before all of this started, I was at my neurologist’s office I go to for a prescribed massage - yes, these massages are prescribed; who knew that’s a thing?  They’re to help work out some of the tight neck, shoulder, and back muscles that may be contributing to my chronic migraines. Anyway, my massage therapist is this awesome woman who could easily be a really good friend of mine if we’d met outside of this professional setting. She is similar to me in mind-body-nutrition views and she’s also an animal lover. She has amazing eyes, and she tells me funny stories about her and her wife while she masterfully works out the kinks that plague me on a regular basis. I left her office feeling a lot better and looking forward to my next appointment, because these moments of physical relief are like jewels to my emotional side. She may be the reason I was able to sleep so well last night.

Additional pre-empt…

One of the few shows I watch is The Bachelor / Bachelorette / Paradise family of shows. It’s mindless and an obvious guilty-pleasure. It’s stupid but entertaining. Thus… Jubilee.

Side note…

I’m just going to say it - I am a bit of a hooch in my dreams… I tend to end up in precarious situations with strangers on a regular basis and then wake up sort of horrified that I live this double life in my dreams.  I don’t know why; it’s not my fault what I dream; I just do. And I feel guilty about it, but… I mean…?

Ok, so now that you have these other tid-bits, back to my story…

I’m waking up this morning to scruffy kisses with the smell of coffee in the air, cartoons in the living room, Santi arguing with Dominic over who was holding Mrs. Robert first, and meanwhile, I’m leaving this awkward situation in my dream with Jubilee from The Bachelor where we have just kissed, and I’m telling her I love her lips. She says “Thank you” in a way that makes me think she hears it all the time (I’m sure she does, because the truth is - and this is me in my awakened state telling you that - she has beautiful, amazing pillow lips). A part of me feels relieved that this was a dream because I am not attracted to women in sexual ways at all, even if I have my list of “If I WERE a lesbian, you’d be mine” that I believe most women secretly have even if they won’t admit it (Jubilee is on it, btw, duh). And truly I was worried in my dream about what Jubilee’s expectations were going to be because the only thing I’d actually be up for were whatever SHE wanted to do TO ME with the lights off while I pictured Javier Bardem or Nathaniel Arcand instead of her. Sorry, Jubilee… Actually, she’s probably relieved too, because I don’t think she’s into the ladies anymore than I am… Anyway…

How did I end up in a bed kissing this gal’s perfect pillow lips, you ask? Well, because I WAS The Bachelorette, of course, and I had my Fantasy Suite cards to hand out. Everywhere I looked were these 28 year old chiseled men in their underwear, and not a one of them wanted my card. SERIOUSLY!!  They were all, “You’re a little too old for me” and “I didn’t realize YOU were going to be the Bachelorette” and “When did they start letting old cougars on the show?” and my favorite, “I’ll take your fantasy suite card” and then once in the room they were just mowing down the liquor cabinet while I waited for them to come rock my world. 

Once I’d gotten to the last guy who was now drunk and passed out on my Fantasy Suite bed, Jubilee showed up to say hi. She was trying to make me feel better, and next thing you know, I kissed her. She started to lie backwards, I was following thinking, “What the hell am I getting myself into and how do I get out of it?” when, just then, my handsome real-life husband who doesn’t think I’m too old and haggard and who still wants my Fantasy Suite card every day is kissing my face in real-life telling me it’s time to wake up. I tell him he just rescued me from a really sad dream. He asks if I was dreaming that they were all out of ice cream to which I replied, “It wasn’t THAT sad, but it was still really sad.” I told him what happened, he asked why he wasn’t one of the bachelors (I smiled because he NEVER acts jealous - and is this… a little jealousy I’m hearing????). Then I complain about how he’s hurting my shoulder and he asks, “What’s wrong? I’m not woman enough for you?”

So you can be the judge of whether you think this Dream Catcher business contributed to a different kind of dream. Was it slower paced than usual? Yes. Did I complete a mission? Well, if chasing off 25 young men is an accomplishment, why then YES, I reached that goal like it was my job. I got to kiss Jubilee’s lips and found that they were as amazing as I expected they would be. And I woke up pretty rested… I wasn’t chasing these men all over town, just all over the mansion and fantasy suite… a lot fewer steps than I usually get at night. Mostly, I probably gained an ego-beating last night that ended up being soothed by morning. So, the jury is still out. I’ll try it again tonight and see…

#DreamCatcher #TheJuryIsStillOut #Jubilee #PillowLips


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    Hi, I'm Gina. Mother of 5, including 4 little boys. Wife. I can be bribed with good coffee & dark chocolate. Oh, and I can't say no to kittens, apparently.

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