Do unto others...

Yesterday I witnessed something bewildering while putting my groceries in my trunk at a local grocery store. As someone who grew up in neighborhoods where just looking at someone the wrong way or accidentally bumping into someone could put you in the middle of a fight you never wanted, I’m still endlessly amazed at the pettiness of some people and the inability of grown adults to show restraint even in the ‘burbs… albeit, I don’t see street fights anymore and this little grocery store parking lot tiff was a rarity where I live now, but, still, when a scuffle nearly breaks out in a grocery store parking lot over a piece of garbage, it’s baffling to me.

I was pushing my grocery cart out to my car, planning out the rest of the evening in my head. I was all caught up in wishing it were only Saturday afternoon instead of Sunday afternoon, when I overheard loud voices in the near distance. At first, I wasn’t putting the words I was hearing together into any intelligible order, but that feeling in the pit of my stomach was there… the one that happens when I know there’s a fight brewing. A moment later, I realized where the voices were coming from just in time to feel the presence of the source of one of the voices walking towards and then past me. I stayed focused on my groceries so as to not cause any more awkwardness than necessary. Once the first guy passed me, I looked in his direction and saw someone who didn’t appear to want to be in an argument with anyone and was attempting to diffuse a situation while not completely backing down.  I looked in the other direction and saw the source of the other voice walking a short distance behind him with an annoyed expression and appearing to be on the verge of saying something else. He was the antagonist in the situation, and as soon as I saw him and his demeanor, I recognized his type. We all know at least one of that guy… always has to make a point, always has to be right… and even though he IS right in principle, he shows no sign of emotional intelligence or etiquette and, therefore, loses.
When I put together what happened, it seemed like maybe something fell out of dude #1’s car, and he didn’t pick it up… maybe?? And then dude #2 felt inclined to say something and then wouldn’t drop it, and it became a loud exchange. The fact that he would not let it go and seemed to be following dude #1 into the store was unsettling to me, and I left never to find out if there was a confrontation inside. He very much seemed to WANT the other guy to make a move in his direction… just to give him a legitimate reason to escalate it.
But all of this got me thinking about how many times per day I tell my kids, “You worry about you, unless someone needs help” and also “If you make a mess, you clean it up. If you see something needs to be done, just do it.” There are other Mommy-isms that my boys could easily recite, such as “Treat others the way you want to be treated, not the way they treat you,” and, “Sometimes people are having a bad day… just take the high road and do the right thing”, and more still, “You might be doing something nicer for someone than you even realize because they could be having a really bad day, and one day someone will do something nice for you that you really need that day.” Did these guys not hear and/or absorb these simple tools while growing up?
I kind of just think that, even - and especially - as adults, we should worry about ourselves unless we are trying to help. Let me say that again, UNLESS WE ARE TRYING TO HELP. And help we should, if we are able. In this case, if trash falls out of someone’s car, and they don’t pick it up, I think it’s entirely appropriate to think, “What an asshole.” But do we need to treat that person like they’re an asshole? No, we really don’t. We can ignore them or show them some grace, but we don’t have to publicly humiliate them. Does this count if they have locked an animal or child in the car in the middle of July? Absolutely not - this might be the only time it’s ok to let someone know in the presence of whomever is around that they’re a jerk. But if, otherwise, we are so high-strung and principle-driven that we have to publicly berate someone over something like littering - and on a windy day, no less - then we need to center and refocus… and maybe take up kickboxing or something. Littering is annoying, but so is being an imbecile. And what about kids that might be watching this exchange?
I wonder what kind of reaction dude #2 would have gotten if he'd said politely, “Oh, let me get that for you… it’s really windy today, isn’t it?” #deliveryisimportant #youcatchmorebeeswithwhat? #honey 
OH and one from my own mom when I was growing up: #twowrongsdontmakearight

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