I Saw Your Nuts, Mommy
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"I saw your nuts, Mommy"

Journal entries from a mom of 4 little boys

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  • Jan 4, 2016 - I'm not sure why I bother closing the bathroom door. Inevitably, one of the 4 ninjas in the next room opens it, walks across the bathroom, comes up behind me in the closet, and it's always, Always, ALWAYS when I'm in the process of pulling up my pants. I turn around still not knowing someone is there and jump out of my skin as I see Adrian standing there with a smirk on his face telling me, "I saw your nuts, Mommy."
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Chivalry Lives

5/5/2017

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You know how you have those mornings where you are running on fumes from previous hectic days that are running together, a brain fog that has had its claws in you for months now despite various attempts to determine its source, you really struggled to drag yourself out of bed when the alarm went off, you made coffee you’re walking past again and again without having a chance to pour it, and you’re experiencing heart palpitations every time you hear your four kids fighting, complaining, and the repeatedly whining “Mooommmmmmmyyyyy”?  You’re rushing around trying to make sure so & so has their shirt they’re suppose to wear today, so & so has their library book that is overdue, getting all their lunches, snacks, and water bottles together, going through each of their binders, signing this and initialing that, making sure the kids all know that you washed a load of their underwear the night before once you realized there was not a single clean pair in the house, so they just need to go get them from the dryer, and you repeat that about twelve times until each of them has finally stopped whining long enough to hear you. You stop each of them mid-stride throughout the morning to hug, kiss, and tell them you love them to compensate for the lack of patience you’re displaying in general because they’re not listening to a single thing you say, and you wonder again for the trillionth time why you even bother talking at all… it sure would be less effort on our parts to just not speak. But all the while, you really just wish you could sit down with them and cuddle them and listen to them talk about something that's on their mind, but there's literally no time for this right now.

Tobey has had his medicine, Ms. Robert's claws have been removed from Max’s head again, you’ve styled everyone's hair, ensured dental/oral hygiene is in check, everyone is wearing shoes, you get them all in the car, and TODAY you also have 5 kittens in a large carrier beside you because they’re all going in for their first round of shots and check ups. You’re running late to get the kittens to the vet, and you realize that two of your kids have to be at school early for Happy Feet (running laps to earn rubber feet for their necklace), and you’re barely going to get them there on time. Now you’re rushing to the vet, you get there and realize you have to complete paperwork FOR FIVE INDIVIDUAL PETS, and meanwhile, your threenager is asking every two seconds why you didn’t bring his iPad. Paperwork is complete, the bag of poop you’ve been carrying around for fecal testing is finally in the right hands, you’re saying goodbye to kittens that you’ll pick up in 8 hours, and they tell you that you need FIVE SEPARATE CARRIERS for them when you pick them up… and, if you don’t have that many, don’t worry… they’ll sell you some. Thanks for that… dollar signs float in front of your eyes.

So now you’re driving back home, so anxious for that coffee you made and never poured, and right before you pull onto your street, you have a memory from earlier that morning of your husband saying something about the truck being low on gas... or maybe he said there was NO gas in it. You look down and realize that the indicator is resting against the bottom of the display… way south of the large E, and you better just keep driving straight to the 7/11. Please don’t let that light between here and there turn red, you plead to every god of every religion just to make sure you’re covering all your bases for the best possible outcome. Alas, you start to turn into the long driveway that takes you to a carwash, then to one of those ER places, and then around the corner there is the 7/11. But as you’re turning into that long driveway, the gas pedal stops working, the steering wheel starts to tighten, the truck stops pushing forward and just coasts. There’s a wide drive, and you pull to the right, and the truck stops. You have your threenager in the back seat asking when he’s going to school, can he go to the park, is the sitter going to be at the house when we get there, can he eat, can he do something fun… And you’re just thinking, ok, we are going for a nice little walk, it could have been worse, we made it off the road, it’s not raining, I have on a bra… ok, let’s do this. So you walk the rest of the way to the 7/11, you anticipate finding the gas can and seeing the $200,000 price tag and then find yourself slightly relieved that it’s only $15… for a plastic container that cost mere change to make and looks like three other ones you already own at home… and you start your walk of shame to the cash register, paying for your ticket back home, take it outside to fill it up, make your way back to where you parked the truck… or where it parked itself, if you’re honest. 

So there I was, standing against the truck reading directions on this thing so I could assemble it and get the gas into the tank of the truck, I thought to myself, “I still haven’t even had any coffee yet this morning”, as I picture it sitting in the french press on the counter. And then I’m happy that at least it’s Friday, because somehow it would seem worse if it was Monday. I’m mentally making the comparison between me standing here with this full container of gas and no idea how to get it from there to the inside of my gas tank and being on Survivor and finding a can of food but no can opener. I’m probably in the better situation, I think. I’m reading the shitty step by step instructions that are missing some critical steps, whenI hear a truck pull up behind me. I turn around and see a warm smile asking if he can help. Before I can answer, he is out of the truck and making his way to me. He smiles at Santi and says hello. He tells me I was close to having the dispenser installed correctly… just upside down… and he fixes it and takes care of the rest. I’m thanking him profusely, embarrassed that - at 43 years of age - I actually ran out of gas. I’m listening to Santi talk about this and that and trying really hard to concentrate on his jibber jabber and not that crack, I mean cup of coffee, that I really want to finally be pouring, I'm reminding myself to be grateful for… everything, and I look up to see the shirt this guy is wearing. And I smile. #chivalrylives

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    Hi, I'm Gina. Mother of 5, including 4 little boys. Wife. I can be bribed with good coffee & dark chocolate. Oh, and I can't say no to kittens, apparently.

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