A Cigar on a Shoreline

There is a problem that I believe is occurring, at a minimum, in epidemic proportions. I would almost go so far as to say pandemic, but I do believe there are regional exceptions around the world for reasons that are a totally different post. I am going to ask a question that I KNOW has to be on most everyone's mind at some point or another. It's a sensitive subject, and I think surely folks are just hoping that someone else will bring it up so they can listen, read, learn, and apply without having to raise their hand. So here we go; I'm going to take one for the team here...

Gosh, where to begin... ok...

So...

We have had this 12" or so turd just hanging out in one of our bathroom toilets for most of the day today. It's not mine, so let's get that out of the way. It's not - I swear. (not this time anyway). It looks like a canoe stranded on a sand bar or something... or maybe a cigar lying on the shoreline catching some rays. I almost want to give it an umbrella and a pair of sunglasses. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened, but the fact is that it happens more than I'd like to admit. Every once in a while, we will walk by, flush again, hoping it will finally give a little and either swirl around and go face down into the hole or that it'll bend and break up. I mean, if it would just bend and then clog the toilet I would know better how to handle the situation, because at that point the plunger would be warranted. But we flush, and it just lies there, refusing to budge, holding its position with its little poop feet holding onto the porcelain just above the hole while it's slightly pointed poop head lies on the porcelain in front of the hole, maintaining sufficient traction to hold it in place. I think I hear it laughing.

I have thought a lot about this topic. I mean, I don't think there's anything particularly special or lacking about our toilets or #2's than anyone else's. Well, there are the regional exceptions I mentioned above, but, I mean, in general. It is because we have a houseful of boys? None of them are even in double digits yet... is there something someone who has parented a houseful of grown teenage boys knows lies ahead for us and hasn't told me? I feel like you should tell me now while I can still plan ahead. Especially if we need to move or install industrial sized toilets.

Surely, this situation is not merely endemic - as in, just the Rendon household. Surely there are people like us all over the place scratching their heads trying to figure out what to do about this predicament. I'm not interested in searching for any sort of tool to break it up myself. I am NOT going to touch it in any manner whatsoever. So what do we do? What do you do? You know what we do; I've already explained: we just keep flushing knowing that at some point it's going to give in. But what if it's tomorrow and, in the meantime, company shows up and it's the bathroom they would naturally use?

This quandary has me thinking about it in a different way... I'm thinking outside the box - err - toilet, I guess you could say. We are always talking about what sorts of things we can do to transition from full time careers to retirement one day. So I've been thinking that maybe we have our answer right in front of us. We just have to find a solution to this pickle - errr - footlong, and we have to patent it. Years ago, someone answered the question "How do we cook bacon quickly and with less grease sitting on it?" And someone answered that call with a contraption you use in the microwave. Someone else answered the complaint that they couldn't get their dog to look at the camera for a picture, and my very own friend answered it with the Pooch Selfie device that props a squeaky tennis ball on top of your smart phone (seriously, Google it; it's super cool). So this may have to be the dilemma that Jose and I have to solve for the world - minus the unaffected regions.

Conclusion: Our kids' poop may be the very reason we are able to retire one day...

In the meantime, if you have any solid piece of advice (see what I did there?), let's hear it.

#ToiletProblems #BoyLife #PoochSelfie #RetirementSolution